I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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