Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
whose parrot is this?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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