I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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