we're blogging at a bar
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
