Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
