new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
