i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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