Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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