I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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