My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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