Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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