Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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