He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
