I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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