Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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