so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
