nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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