his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
