I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
