Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
