I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
