dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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