Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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