It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
