we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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