i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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