I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
