Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
