Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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