so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
