i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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