i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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