no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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