I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
