I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
