We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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