Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize