You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dick very happy bro
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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