This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
