So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
