I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
