I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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