I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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