you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
