Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
