You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize