All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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