I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.