Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.