WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing