I'm jealous of your bromance
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?