And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups