had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think your dad took our porno
whose parrot is this?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
