I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low