I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs