so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She announced her abortion via fbk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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