come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
