goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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