There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
