I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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