i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
