i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
