it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
