hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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