the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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