i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
