She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
