I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
