I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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