we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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