There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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