My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
