you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
