Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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